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16 Nov

If you’re reading this please take a few seconds out of your day to pray for all of my TTC friends. TTC means Trying To Conceive. If you have never been in that boat, if you’ve never lost a baby, if you just sneezed and got pregnant, please understand that the TTC months/years are some of the hardest months/years that a woman can go through. There is nothing more heartbreaking than wanting desperately to be a mommy only to struggle to get pregnant.
Please please pray for all of these women who are going through IVF, mourning their losses, mourning the arrival of their period, mourning the fact that teenagers can easily get pregnant yet so many people who deserve a child have a hard time conceiving.
Please leave a comment if you have whispered a prayer or two…I know that some of my TTC friends check my blog from time to time and I know it would make them feel better to know that they’re not alone.
Love you guys.


My Favorite Blog

31 Jul

Out of my 3 blogs, this is my favorite. This is where I can be real and not be looked down on for not having hope or for being sad.
That said, I DO have hope and I am NOT sad!
Why? Because God has given me peace. What a crazy thought. Inside of my mind it’s like laying in a hammock overlooking the ocean. Calm, relaxing, peaceful. It happened Monday night, while I was watching this church service online. All of the sudden I knew that I would get pregnant soon and if it’s not super soon, that’s okay. God has His perfect plan and I get to be a part of it!
I know I’ve said things like this before, but this time it’s for real. No more freaking out or looking at my life in despair. I love my life and I love the baby that I haven’t yet held.
Brett and I have been praying for our future child. Before he is born, even conceived, we want him to have an intense love for God in his heart. We want him to be a light for the darkness in the world. That’s all that really matters, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what my children will be when they grow up, it doesn’t matter what they look like, all that matters is that they love God above all else.
I have peace that passes all understanding.
I am so thankful that God loves me so much to care about giving me peace.
I am content.


14 Jul

I took it off private…just removed some of the info I wouldn’t want certain people to read.

I have a follow up appointment on the 20th. I am pretty sure he’ll say that everything’s fine and that a year of trying isn’t that long.

I still cry when I’m around babies, the ones who are the age mine should be, and I cry when people get pregnant.

It’s all a part of not being successful at conceiving.

One very helpful thing is to talk to people in the same boat as me, the people who know it’s normal to not be happy when others get pregnant and who know what it’s like to look at your month by fertile days and 2ww. I don’t know what I would do without these wonderful women that I’ve met online. I will never be sad when one of them finally gets the BFP that they deserve!

My advice to people who get pregnant and are around those who are trying and trying, don’t act like it just happens, don’t act like it’s easy, don’t be patronizing, don’t rub it in their face. None of the above has happened to me but I have heard horrible stories from other women.

I’m hoping and hoping it’ll be our turn soon.

One Year Ago

2 Jul

We conceived our baby.

I hope that I get pregnant soon.

Appointment Update

29 Jun

Today we went and the doctor said my uterus looks good and I was VERY glad because with two d&c’s I have been worried about scar tissue or whatever.
He said we’re going to do an HSG test on day 7-10 of my cycle (whichever date they can fit me in) and on CD3 they will take my blood and test my hormone levels.
I feel excited but also kind of let down because I had hoped that they would be like, “WOW! We found out exactly what is wrong and we’re going to fix it!”
There may be nothing wrong with me at all he said. Which is good but also frustrating because then there really is NO reason why I haven’t been getting pregnant.
So…we’ll see.


4 Jun

Not pregnant.
I’m not doing well at the moment.
What do I do, God??!?!?!?!
Tell me.
I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

this was month 11 since originally trying
month 8 since we started trying after the miscarriage

I don’t know how much longer I can be friendly to and happy for people with kids.
It’s really hard.
I’ll be 29 in 5 months.


1 Jun

The reason I haven’t updated for two weeks is because I haven’t had anything ttc-related to say.
My best friend in the world came to visit for a few days a couple weeks ago and we had so much fun!! My parents came to town a couple days after that and stayed with us and we had a celebration for my niece who turned 4! I can’t believe she is that old already!!
We are now proud owners of a bbq (thanks mom and dad!) and have already grilled twice in the four days we’ve owned it! Last night I had the best chicken of my life!
San Diego has been overcast but today was warmer.
No news on the baby-making front.
I’ll try to update more regularly.

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