Letting Go.

27 Jan

I have a hard time letting go of things.
I am referring to when people hurt my feelings in a big way.
I can forgive but I find it hard to forget.
And it’s a problem.
I think things build up and build up.
I can’t “talk it out” with people either because no one wants to hear the truth about how they hurt you.
And plus, some things happened so long ago that why even bother bringing it up?
I am not one who needs to discuss every little problem with the problem owner.
I am one to smile and laugh it off, maybe be mad inside or talk to Brett, but rarely do I bring it up to anyone else.
PLUS, the few times I have been honest I feel guilty. I care SO MUCH about people’s feelings. Guilt eats at me if I hurt anyone whether it’s unintentional…even if they deserved it.
Blah.

Question. Am I wrong for not discussing every little thing? I think probably so because then it’s my fault that I’m upset.
But seriously? When you talk to someone and it’s not positive? It sucks. And you are guaranteed interruption. And defensiveness. And then they will usually say “Well you did this and that.” Not productive.

How do you handle the annoyances in life? And please don’t give little pat answers or Christiany Christian responses. I do pray about it but there are some things that God allows us to figure out on our own.
Please be transparent if you choose to comment on this blog.

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3 Responses to “Letting Go.”

  1. Lorianne 01/28/2011 at 3:17 pm #

    Unless it’s someone that you really care about, someone that you absolutely want in your life, I think that if it becomes to “annoying” – so to speak – to keep that person around, then just let it go. Most of those people aren’t really your true friends anyway. People come in and out of your life. I’ve met people that I want to keep in touch with and stay friends with and will take the crap that sometimes comes with that just because I care about them. Other people come in and eventually their time in your life ends.
    I, personally, have worked really hard to shed myself of negative people. People who will do or say negativity all the time – most of the time without thinking about it just because they’re like that. People who always find fault and blame with everyone BUT themselves. I don’t have time for that in my life.
    I guess that’s all to say that my answer is to talk it out if you care enough about keeping them in your life, but if not, let it fade because most of the time they won’t notice, anyway.

  2. Loralyn 02/01/2011 at 3:41 pm #

    I struggle with the same thing Sarah! I’ve actually lately really been challenged with this overall issue right in my face, both in personal situations and at work. What that tells me is that I’m supposed to learn a lesson in here somewhere I just dont know what it is!

    Am I supposed to be more honest with people about how I feel and learn a caring, neutral, constructive way to say what’s on my mind? Or am I supposed to just learn how to deal with them internally, find inner peace and know that my innermost thoughts and feelings are not all meant to make it out to the world and the people they involve?

    I totally agree with you about the confrontation part of things; its normally unproductive and results in a defensive he said she said dialog. And for some people, I think even if I found a way to be caring, neutral and constructive about it they still would take it the wrong way. Maybe both are the answer. And another thing Im supposed to learn is how to tell the difference about when to do what. I’m reminded of the prayer “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.” which I feel like kind of applies here. I hope someday to have that mastered!

  3. Ang 02/09/2011 at 12:56 pm #

    i have a friend in my life that resurfaced after 13 years and almost from the start she did things that really hurt my feelings. the first few things i wrote off and forgave without addressing anything. she did something that really hurt my feelings and she then offended people around me that i care for. i briefly addressed it and got the response you mentioned, he said she said. i wanted to just move past it but i wasn’t willing to let it go or let the feelings go without really expressing myself because even though i forgave the instance the memory was troubling. i told her exactly how i felt, why my feelings were hurt and how that affects the way i interact with her and the functions i invite her to and that really bothers me. what amazed me is that she accepted what i said, not without explanation on her side, and our differences just became part of our friendship. she is not willing to change those things about herself and i am not willing to accept them so when we hang out it’s on terms we both accept, usually meaning just the two of us. not the open ended free flowing “ness” i wanted but it works and i am not frustrated inside and i can move forward.

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