My Immune System is a Hormonal Teenager

28 Jun

My Immune System is a 16 year old girl.
Germy walks up to her and says, “Hey…you look pretty hot today!”
She blushes and looks away.
He sees she can’t be wooed by mere words so he ups his game. He comes back. With flowers. And a romantic card.
It even says, “I love you”.
She immediately swoons and falls in love. Not just puppy love either.
Real, feel-it-in-your-guts love.
He makes the first move to kiss her and instead of not kissing on the first date like her mother taught her, she grabs his face and kisses him back. Hard. Love makes you do crazy things.
Once they’ve kissed a while, Germy says he’ll call her later.
So she takes her phone with her everywhere.
To the bathroom
To the gym.
To bed.
But he doesn’t call.
He never does.
Meanwhile his little cohorts are wreaking havoc inside of my body.
But My Immune System is too busy laying on her bed sobbing and writing in her diary.
Her best girlfriends, Emergen-C, are huddled around her telling her she’s so pretty and so much better than Germy anyway. He wasn’t that cute.
Mrs. Multivitamin (the friendly old woman from down the street who is more like a grandma to her) hugs her and bakes her cookies but it’s no use.
My Immune System is a wreck.
And there is no consoling her.
So until she realizes she deserves better than Germy, I remain sick.


2 Responses to “My Immune System is a Hormonal Teenager”

  1. LuLu 06/28/2010 at 2:25 pm #

    I didn’t just SFR, I laughed, out loud. I am sorry you are still sick!! This was great reading though!

  2. Brett 07/02/2010 at 8:02 am #

    I don’t know how there aren’t more comments on this one… This is one of the funniest things you’ve EVER written! SO funny! You should just tell stories where you personify things and they’ll all be funny…

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