My Body is NOT a Wonderland.

5 Jun

[this is a post in which I whine about my weight]

I now weigh THIRTY POUNDS more than what I weighed in high school. And that weight (lbs) was with me until I was about 24ish.
Then I gained some more lbs. But not many more. I was around — for years.
And last year before baby I weighed about .
I now weigh .
And to some, that may not sound like a lot.
But I’m ONLY 5’2.
That’s not tall.
And no, I did not just have a baby.
I had a baby over 10 weeks ago.
I’ve been cleared for exercise for 4 weeks.
And have I lost any weight?
NO.
Not even ounces.
It’s depressing.
I’m just being brutally honest.
I don’t want anyone to pat my hair and tell me I’m pretty.
Because fat isn’t pretty.
I’m sorry but it’s not. At least not on me.
My best friend says I’m too hard on myself but EFF.
This is crazy.
I don’t know what to do with all of this weight.
I’m sure several pounds are in my now massive boobs. (hopefully they’ll shrink after I’m done nursing)
But wow.
When I started the page Muffin Top I thought it would be easy.
It’s ridiculous how hard it is to even lose one pound.
I’ve been walking, I started the shred, I don’t sit around and eat a bunch of sh–.
I don’t know.

I’m going to buy running shoes either tomorrow or the next day.
I’m going to teach myself how to run.
I hope it works.

This is nonsense.
I’m such a baby.

People will probably hate me for posting this.
Because to average height people — is nothing.
But REMEMBER, I’m basically five feet tall.
So … I don’t really have much room to cram — into.

Okay…I’m going to go drink water since I realized my wine has 127 calories per small glass.
Peace.

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9 Responses to “My Body is NOT a Wonderland.”

  1. Cindie Vertefeuille 06/06/2010 at 8:29 am #

    Sarah- you have lost perspective and need an Auntie Cindie fix.

    • Cindie Vertefeuille 06/06/2010 at 9:01 am #

      Oh, and P.S. who needs Grandma around when you have yourself to ‘comment’ about your weight?

      • Sarah 06/06/2010 at 9:40 am #

        If I am not hard on myself then I won’t ever lose weight. Then I’ll continue to hate pictures of myself and I really don’t want to live like that. I’d rather be thin and not embarrassed every time a camera is out.
        But yes, I DO need an Auntie Cindie fix.

  2. Melinda 06/07/2010 at 2:37 pm #

    I think the message at church yesterday was ment for you… did you see it online? xo

    • Sarah 06/08/2010 at 4:42 pm #

      I should watch it.

  3. Loralyn 06/08/2010 at 10:26 am #

    Ok I know your pain!!! Im not even 5’2″ in the morning…. and I currently am 5 lbs heavier than before I got pregnant (145). And I probably needed to be 5-10 lbs smaller than that even at that point. So I have a good 15 lbs to loose – I’d like to get to about 130, which I have not been at since just after graduating High School.

    I started the P90X, have been doing it for over a month. Ive been eating better than I ever have before, and Im STILL not loosing anything! I know Im more toned, so Im replacing fat with muscle, so thats good but Im nowhere near where I want to be and 15 lbs from my goal.

    Something about having a baby changes your body! I used to be able to loose weight so fast if I really buckled down and ate well and excersized. Now, its like my body is ignoring me. Its really tough. Cause you feel like you are doing everything right and still not seeing the results you want!

    Well I just realized the other day I was eating too much. I started tracking my calorie and it was just too high. I think when I was pregnant and breastfeeding I got used to eating and drinking more and then needed to cut back down. It wasnt a lot but when I tracked it I realized I was eating 200-600 calories a day too much, which adds up and accounts for no loss. So Ive been trying to make even better choices and really not go over my daily limit but its so hard.

    Well sorry for my rant, Im just so glad you posted this cause I feel exactly the same way and its soooo frustrating. Nice to know someone else is in the same boat as me; even someone as skinny mini as you having the same issues as me.

  4. Jo 06/11/2010 at 4:08 pm #

    I, too, am 5’2 and when I got married a year ago I gained a few pounds. If anybody else gains that amount of pounds is no big deal so nobody understood why I was making such a big deal about it. I understand what you are saying!

    Running is great I think it will really help you lose weight, also try having an accountability partner, I know it is easier for me to get up and do it if I know someone else will be waiting for me or will give me a call and ask me.

    Anyways, I think you look beautiful but I know that doesn’t change a thing haha.

    Ps. I told Caleb that if I have those kind of bodies that don’t lose weight after babies we will have to consider sending me to Colombia for surgery, and I was dead serious, I know it sounds crazy but I don’t want to feel ugly after my babies.

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