The Sick House

13 May

As you know from this post Neely and I have been sick since Mother’s Day. That means it has now been FIVE DAYS. Five long days.
I have been swept out from my Lala Land new parent euphoria into Real Parenting.
In Lala Land, the baby didn’t cry unless she was wet or hungry.
And when she was hungry she latched on immediately and ate to her satisfaction.
In Real Parenting, the baby cries almost non-stop and will not latch on (hardly ever) which makes her cry even more. We’ve even had to resort to giving her bottles with breast milk in them.
That may sound like no big deal but since I am a SAHM, I thought I wouldn’t have to give her a bottle for a long time.
Because feeding at the breast is the only thing I have with her when people are around. When people come over to see her or come to town to visit her, I rarely get to hold her. The hungry time is the time when I can take my daughter and be close to her and feed her and bond with her. But that is dwindling. (at least the past 5-6 days) And that makes me sad. Because if she takes a bottle then anyone can feed her and it’s not a special time for her and I anymore.
Having a sick baby while being sick is difficult to say the least. Especially for a new parent. Especially for a SAHM. I don’t get a break, I don’t have back up. It’s just me and Neely. When Brett gets off of work then I have some relief but for the most part it’s her screaming and me trying to calm her down.
It’s hard not to base anything off of these sick days. By that I mean it’s hard to not think, “Oh…I guess she’s going to be a difficult baby.” because who knows? She feels like poo and the only thing she knows how to do is cry. But when it’s relentless and it lasts for days it’s rough!
People have all sorts of advice but for Neely, there is no One Thing that will comfort her. Her needs and desires change quite often. And by the time I get said advice, I have already tried it.
This post is NOT A COMPLAINT. I wouldn’t trade these days in for ANYTHING. I fiercely love my baby girl and I think she is perfect.
This post is all about honesty. Because maybe some people don’t blog about how hard being a new parent is. If bloggers aren’t honest then no one can be helped. And isn’t that what life is about? Helping each other out?
I know that if I felt alone and I found a post about someone who had identical problems I would feel so much better.
One of the good things about these feeding trials is that my day is even more spent in prayer. I thought I prayed a lot before, but sheesh! God must be tired of hearing me say, “Please let her latch on, please let her eat.” etc.!

As a new parent I need to constantly remind myself that just because I’m sometimes not able to give Neely exactly what she needs that does not make me a bad mom. I think that the “bad mom” thoughts are a tool from satan to bring me down and make life hard. God created Neely for me and He gave me a dream of being a mom. My dream came true and now I just need to push through the hard times!

Sorry if this post is all over the place…I’m still sick and my brain is kinda fuzzy.

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4 Responses to “The Sick House”

  1. Brett 05/13/2010 at 12:55 pm #

    First of all, that is the cutest picture of Neely!!!!!Second, you are an amazing mom. AMAZING. Neely IS sick, and she's still learing so much about her body and her needs and stuff. I think lot's of people probably have different hardships as new parents, and I think it's very cool that you blogged about yours. No one doubts that you love Neely with every fiber in your body, and that you're insanely grateful for your little baby. I can't imagine anyone doing a better job with little Neely than you, and I'm praying with you that things can start to get easier. Neely loves you, and I can't wait until she's grown enough to show you that love through her laugh, her eyes, and one day her words!

  2. Lauren 05/13/2010 at 2:25 pm #

    Sarah – You are doing an amazing job as a Mommy. I mean that. Even if you have to bottle feed her, you can still tell people that is a Mommy and Neely thing and you don't want anyone else feeding her at this time. People will (hopefully) understand that, but I am sure when you both feel better things will calm down. Everyone who knows you, knows that you are doing an amazing job and you love Nelly with your being. I agree with Brett…..I can't wait until she gets more interactive and express to you how much she loves you too!

  3. Kelly 05/13/2010 at 5:13 pm #

    Hope things get better, and you both feel better soon :(I am sure another mom out there is so glad to have read your words and known she is not alone.

  4. Loralyn 05/17/2010 at 9:14 am #

    Sarah, you are a wonderful Mommy, and it is so abundently clear how much love you and Brett have for your miracle baby. Being a mother is hard. It's a work in progress. It takes practice, and lots of trial an error. Its not always easy, its not often easy. But every bit worth those amazing moments. Your honesty is real, and genuine! Keep doin what you are doin!

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