I Have Nothing

16 Mar

Without hope.
That is how I am able to get up each morning knowing that I’m not pregnant.
All of the women in my old due date club are packing their hospital bags. Some have even given birth already. That should have been me.
It hurts so deep.
The pain of having an empty womb is real.
Almost tangible.
My heart breaks constantly.
There is no one to talk to about this except Brett and my mom.
Everyone else probably assumes I’m fine.
And I am, most of the time.
I know April 12th is going to be a rough day.
I’m dreading it.
Empty on the due date of my baby.
Yet I still have hope.
God has held me close and given me glimmers of hope along this terrible journey.
I can’t say why we have had to endure so many months of disappointment, but I can say that He has been with us the entire time.
I don’t know when He will allow me to become pregnant.
I don’t know how many more months I will get my hopes up and have them dashed.
I do know that God will hold me as I cry.
And when I feel alone.
When other women get pregnant.
If you read this, keep praying for us.
We are handling it very well but it is still hard.

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