BFN

16 Feb

To those of us who are TTC, BFN is the worst thing to see. Well…second to AF.
If you don’t know what that means, BFN= Big Fat NEGATIVE, as in no, you’re NOT pregnant. BFP =Big Fat Positive…I haven’t seen one of those since July. AF = Aunt Flo aka your monthly terrible visitor.
Today I saw my second BFN of the month. I really truly thought this could be IT.
But no. Not.
I have I feeling I won’t get pregnant until April.
And that SUCKS because we have a family reunion at the beginning of April and I should have had a BABY at that time.
:(
I do trust God. It’s just now been 9 months since we first started trying and 6 months since the miscarriage that we’ve been trying.
I might call my insurance today to see if they’ll do anything like Clomid. I can’t imagine getting pregnant…why would next month be any different than this month?
It is so hard to get my hopes up up up every month only to have them dashed by reality. Each month that goes by I feel more broken.
Don’t leave a comment telling me God is in control because I KNOW THAT.
I need moments to be sad because I’m a human.
I’m a woman that should be able to get pregnant but CAN’T.
I CAN’T GET PREGNANT.
There I said it.
I don’t feel better.
I’m sure tomorrow’s post will be happier.
And don’t worry…I haven’t lost faith, I’m just sad and disappointed. I still know God has a plan and whatnot. I still believe I will have a baby, I just wish I knew if it was in the near future or not.

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