A Case of the Mondays

9 Feb

I feel so down today.
It’s because I prayed the last few days that if I’m not pregnant that ALL seeming pregnant symptoms would go away because last month was too cruel. I had period/pregnant symptoms that I had never had in my life with periods.
And so now I have nothing. No symptoms of any kind.
Last night at church I prayed so hard and the sermon was about faith. We’ve had SO much faith each month and we’ve been praying so hard each month.
I really am beginning to think there is something wrong with my body.
The next cycle will be the sixth since losing our baby. The eighth since starting to try at all.

According to one study, 25% of couples get pregnant in the first month of trying, while 60% of couples trying to get pregnant do so within six months. On the other hand, 75% of couples get pregnant within nine months while 80% get pregnant within a year. Finally, some 90% of couples get pregnant within eighteen months of trying.

I’m not sure what the numbers are after a D&C but I’m sure it’s similar.
I never ever thought I would not be a mother at age 28.
I never thought I wouldn’t already be pregnant after the miscarriage.
It was SO important to me to be pregnant on our due date, April 12th. April 12th, for those of you who don’t know, was the day I lost the first baby. April 12th I thought was being redeemed because it was our baby’s due date. But no.
I just want a baby.
Why is that so hard?

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